The Truth About the Chupacabra
A Chupacabra comedy by ALAN NAFZGER
The Truth About the Chupacabra — PREMISE: Chaos breaks out in Texas after a biology professor proves the chupacabra are not mangy coyotes, but extremely shy extra-terrestrial beings.
Chupacabra – Pecan Street Press
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Lubbock ● Austin ● Fort Worth
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
The Truth About the Chupacabra – Amazon edition
Copyright © 2019 Alan Nafzger
The Truth About the Chupacabra – All rights reserved.
The Truth About the Chupacabra – ISBN: 9798631886544
The Truth About Chupacabra
Written by Alan Nafzger
Copyright 2019
The Truth About the Chupacabra – FADE IN
Part of the movie.
There is a dorky commercial spot where a Chupacabra reminds the visitors to please remember to turn off all phones.
Chupacabra
Phone calls ruin movies. Please, turn your cell phones off.
It is a spoof on the iconic M&M’s candies call for filmgoers to turn off their cellphones and respect their fellow theater patrons.
We get the idea maybe Chupacabras aren’t evil little creatures anymore, but have gone mainstream and are out in the pop culture.
EXT. SET OF A PIRATE FILM – DAY
The Truth About the Chupacabra
There is a PSA about film piracy.
ANNOUNCER
Film piracy is wrong. Don’t do it. Think of the Chupacabra who could lose their jobs. That Chupacabra could be one of your friends or the talent. By downloading pirated content, you are putting the entire industry and people employed there at risk. Downloading movies put celebrities, directors and producers at risk. What happens if they don’t earn enough to make the next film?
INT. MEXICAN BAR – DAY
There is finally a beer commercial before the film begins. It is a spoof on the “Most interesting man in the World” commercials. Only the man is a Chupacabra, a funny little harmless creature and the subject of this film; he is sitting in a bar. There are good looking women all around him.
The Truth About the Chupacabra
COMMERCIAL
He gave his father “the talk.” His passport is Mexican and requires no photograph. Once a rattlesnake bit him, after five days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died. His Cinco de Mayo party starts on the 8th of March, and ends sometime before July 4th. No less than 25 Mexican folk songs have been written about him. He is the most interesting Chupacabra in the world.
The Chupacabra has his photo on the label of the Mexican beer.
INT. THEATRE SCREEN
Finally, a fake Motion Picture Association of America rating.
ANNOUNCER
This film is rated FU for Funny Until it’s not.
BEGIN TITLES
The title credits imposed on top of an eerie night-time rural Texas. Crickets, owls, coyotes, with scary music. Finally (just as the credits are ending), we see a Chupacabra. But it’s not on four legs, and he’s standing and walking across the prairie like a tiny little man.
The Truth About the Chupacabra
The camera pans from the dark to a bright city in the distance. The Chupacabra appears on a trek to the city, which many will recognize as Austin, the state capital. We see the capital building on the skyline.
END TITLES
EXT. CONGRESS AVE – AUSTIN – NIGHT
NARRATOR
In Austin, these men are a dime a dozen and Frank Chadburn is only a minor character in our story.
Frank is a wino, homeless and walking down Congress Ave.
NARRATOR
Even so, he is where this story begins, as he trekked toward the park after an evening spent drinking with his buddies and chugging a $2 bottle of Oak Leaf Chardonnay.
Flashback to Frank in the alley behind the liquor store. Frank’s friends are sharing a bottle or two, but Frank is chugging the wine, so he gets more than the others.
Back to Frank walking the Congress Avenue sidewalk.
NARRATOR
It was November 4th, 2019, at 3 a.m. The streets were empty, and as our minor character neared the river, there was a muggy humidity in the air.
CUT TO:
EXT/INT. YELLOW ROSE – STRIP JOINT – NIGHT
The Truth About the Chupacabra
NARRATOR
At the same time, exactly 1 mile from the river, the Yellow Rose was jumping.
We see the Yellow Rose neon sign and then we move indoors.
NARRATOR
On stage, Nicole Gilbert, or Diamond Motion, danced expertly but with little emotion.
We see Diamond doing her routine, and by that, I mean routine. She shows little talent and no enthusiasm.
NARRATOR
Her naked body seems enough for the audience, and she knew that. The enthusiastic male audience loved her show.
ADMIRER
(drunken)
I love you.
Diamond
(monotone)
Wonderful.
The ADMIRER shells out $100 dollars for the topless dancer.
Diamond
(monotone)
Great. Thank you.
NARRATOR
Every evening was the same, but still a success.
The GOVERNOR, a distinguished looking man and wearing a cross on his lapel, enters with two Texas Rangers as security.
MANAGER
Governor, welcome to the Yellow Rose.
GOVERNOR
You ain’t gotta welcome me every time I’m in here, you know.
MANAGER
Yes, well, we want you to feel at home.
GOVERNOR
Well, I was here last night and the night before that, and I didn’t ever feel at home until I was at home with her.
He points at Diamond.
GOVERNOR
You didn’t hear me complaining, did you?
MANAGER
No sir. This way.
The manager leads him to a table with a good view of the stage.
Diamond makes eye contact with the Governor, and he with her. He has with him a dozen yellow roses, and he hands them to a waitress, who will take them to Diamond backstage. Suddenly, Diamond is transformed; now, she’s filled with enthusiasm and smiles. The Governor sits and watches his mistress dance.
NARRATOR
And every evening for nearly a month, Ray Chillicothe, the meanest Governor of Texas ever, celebrated his 20th year in office. He’d been asked to be the Secretary of Energy. Well, he argued that that would take him out of Texas. The President even offered to let him run the Energy Department from Texas, and he still refused.
(beat)
He’d visited topless bars in Washington and reasoned, ‘why travel to the capital when all the best BEEP is in Austin?’
CUT TO:
EXT. CONGRESS AVE – AUSTIN – NIGHT
NARRATOR
Meanwhile, Frank had barely traveled the mile that separated the Yellow Rose from the river.
Frank stops to urinate on the step and door of a theatre. But just as he is about to begin, he sees a strange reflection in the glass. It’s the Chupacabra, and he’s walking upright like a man. The Chupacabra is also walking toward the river.
FRANK
Oh, my god!
Frank chokes the urine stream off and runs away.
The Chupacabra is as frightened as Frank, and hides in an alley, behind some rubbish bins.
NARRATOR
Frank’s visions were in fact, NOT a drunken illusion. The street lights were illuminating the strange little creature.
CUT TO:
The chupacabra or chupacabras (Spanish pronunciation: [tʃupaˈkaβɾas], literally ‘goat-sucker’; from Spanish: chupar, ‘to suck’, and cabras, ‘goats’) is a legendary creature in the folklore of parts of the Americas, with its first purported sightings reported in Puerto Rico in 1995. The name comes from the animal’s reported vampirism—the chupacabra is said to attack and drink the blood of livestock, including goats.
Physical descriptions of the creature vary, with some describing it as more dog-like (particularly in Southwestern United States) while most others describe it as reptilian and alien-like (in Puerto Rico and Latin America). Some report it as being a heavy creature the size of a small bear, with a row of spines reaching from the neck to the base of the tail.
Sightings have been reported in Puerto Rico since the 1970s, and this creature has since been reported as far north as Maine, as far south as Chile, and even outside the Americas in countries like Russia and Philippines. All of the reports are anecdotal and have been disregarded as uncorroborated or lacking evidence. Sightings in northern Mexico and the southern United States have been verified as canids afflicted by mange. According to biologists and wildlife management officials, the chupacabra is an urban legend.
Chupacabra Name
Chupacabras can be literally translated as ‘goat-sucker’, from chupar (‘to suck’) and cabras (‘goats’). It is known as both chupacabras and chupacabra throughout the Americas, with the former being the original name, and the latter a regularization. The name is attributed to Puerto Rican comedian Silverio Pérez, who coined the label in 1995 while commenting on the attacks as a San Juan radio deejay.
Chupacabra History
In 1975, a series of livestock killings in the small town of Moca were attributed to el vampiro de Moca (‘the vampire of Moca’). Initially, it was suspected that the killings were committed by a Satanic cult; later more killings were reported around the island, and many farms reported loss of animal life. Each of the animals was reported to have had its body bled dry through a series of small circular incisions.
The first reported attack eventually attributed to the actual chupacabras occurred in March 1995. Eight sheep were discovered dead in Puerto Rico, each with three puncture wounds in the chest area and reportedly completely drained of blood. A few months later, in August, an eyewitness named Madelyne Tolentino reported seeing the creature in the Puerto Rican town of Canóvanas, where as many as 150 farm animals and pets were reportedly killed.
Puerto Rican comedian and entrepreneur Silverio Pérez is credited with coining the term chupacabras soon after the first incidents were reported in the press. Shortly after the first reported incidents in Puerto Rico, other animal deaths were reported in other countries, such as Argentina, Bolivia, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Honduras, Mexico, Nicaragua, Panama, Peru, and the United States.
In October and December 2018, there came many reports of suspected chupacabras in Manipur, India. Many domestic animals and poultry were killed in a suspicious manner similar to other chupacabra attacks, and several people reported that they had seen chupacabras. However, forensic experts opined that street dogs were responsible for mass killing of domestic animals and poultry after studying the remnants of a corpse.
In October 2019, a video recorded by Mundo Ovni showed the results of a supposed attack on chickens in the Seburuquillo sector of Lares, Puerto Rico.
Chupacabra – Reputed origin
A five-year investigation by Benjamin Radford, documented in his 2011 book Tracking the Chupacabra, concluded that the description given by the original eyewitness in Puerto Rico, Madelyne Tolentino, was based on the creature Sil in the 1995 science-fiction horror film Species.[1] The alien creature Sil is nearly identical to Tolentino’s chupacabra eyewitness account and she had seen the movie before her report: “It was a creature that looked like the chupacabra, with spines on its back and all… The resemblance to the chupacabra was really impressive”, Tolentino reported.[10] Radford revealed that Tolentino “believed that the creatures and events she saw in Species were happening in reality in Puerto Rico at the time”, and therefore concludes that “the most important chupacabra description cannot be trusted”. This, Radford believes, seriously undermines the credibility of the chupacabra as a real animal.
In addition, the reports of blood-sucking by the chupacabra were never confirmed by a necropsy, the only way to conclude that the animal was drained of blood. An analysis by a veterinarian of 300 reported victims of the chupacabra found that they had not been bled dry.[citation needed]
Radford divided the chupacabra reports into two categories: the reports from Puerto Rico and Latin America, where animals were attacked and it is supposed their blood was extracted; and the reports in the United States of mammals, mostly dogs and coyotes with mange, that people call “chupacabra” due to their unusual appearance.
In late October 2010, University of Michigan biologist Barry O’Connor concluded that all the chupacabra reports in the United States were simply coyotes infected with the parasite Sarcoptes scabiei, whose symptoms would explain most of the features of the chupacabra: they would be left with little fur, thickened skin, and a rank odor. O’Connor theorized that the attacks on goats occurred “because these animals are greatly weakened, [so] they’re going to have a hard time hunting. So they may be forced into attacking livestock because it’s easier than running down a rabbit or a deer.”
Although several witnesses came to the conclusion that the attacks could not be the work of dogs or coyotes because they had not eaten the victim, this conclusion is incorrect.[1] Both dogs and coyotes can kill and not consume the prey, either because they are inexperienced, or due to injury or difficulty in killing the prey.[1][14] The prey can survive the attack and die afterwards from internal bleeding or circulatory shock. The presence of two holes in the neck, corresponding with the canine teeth, are to be expected since this is the only way that most land carnivores have to catch their prey.
There are reports of stray Mexican hairless dogs being mistaken for chupacabras.
Appearance – Chupacabra
The most common description of the chupacabra is that of a reptile-like creature, said to have leathery or scaly greenish-gray skin and sharp spines or quills running down its back.[16] It is said to be approximately 3 to 4 feet (0.9 to 1.2 m) high, and stands and hops in a fashion similar to that of a kangaroo.
Another common description of the chupacabra is of a strange breed of wild dog. This form is mostly hairless and has a pronounced spinal ridge, unusually pronounced eye sockets, fangs, and claws. Unlike conventional predators, the chupacabra is said to drain all of the animal’s blood (and sometimes organs) usually through three holes in the shape of a downwards-pointing triangle, but sometimes through only one or two holes.
Related legends – Chupacabra
The “Ozark Howler”, a large bear-like animal, is the subject of a similar urban legend.
The Peuchens of Chile also share similarities in their supposed habits, but instead of being dog-like they are described as winged snakes. This legend may have originated from the vampire bat, an animal endemic to the region.
In the Philippines, another legendary creature called the Sigbin shares many of the chupacabra’s descriptions.
In popular culture
The popularity of the chupacabra has resulted in it being featured in many types of media.
- The debut album of Imani Coppola is titled Chupacabra.
- The myth of the chupacabra is mocked in the 2012 episode “Jewpacabra” of the cartoon series South Park in which antisemitic main character Eric Cartman claims to have seen a Jewish Chupacabra that kills children on Easter.
- The Magic: The Gathering set “Rivals of Ixalan” introduced a card named “Ravenous Chupacabra” in January 2018.
- The Chupacabra was included as one of several vinyl figurines in Cryptozoic Entertainment‘s Cryptkins blind box toy line in 2018. A redesigned series of figurines, including an updated Chupacabra, was released in August 2020.
- The search for a chupacabra was featured in the 1997 The X-Files episode “El Mundo Gira“.
- “Chupacabra” was the title of the midseason finale of season 4 of the supernatural drama television series Grimm in December 2014.
- Tensou Sentai Goseiger has the main antagonist named Brajira dressed in a house centipede/chupacabra-themed armor to infiltrate the Yuumajuu, a team of cryptid-themed monsters.